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48 Days.

It has been 48 days since I have written on this lovely little site.

48 days. 6 weeks and 6 days.

That’s time for a lot of things to happen! And a lot has happened, my friends. So here’s the summary:

School has finished for the school year – but May term has begun (and is almost half way over!). Full time internship hours have started and my second summer at Camp Zion is a mere 12 days away. I passed a multitude of classis exams a few weeks ago and now only have a few left before becoming eligible for ordination. Our 2 year wedding anniversary has come and gone, complete with dinner at BWW’s and not nearly enough time to spend together. I was offered and accepted a full time job as a children’s director at a local church, which will start in August when Camp Zion ends.

Life is moving along quickly, friends!

So that’s my list. My list of all that has been changing and shifting and transitioning over the past 6 weeks. I have perfected this list, running down things when I run into people I haven’t seen in a while and responding “Busy, But Good!” whenever I’m asked how things are going. Lots is changing…and yet, not much has changed.

I still worry far too much. I still sleep far too little. I eat junk food and stay up late and procrastinate like it’s my job and see my friends and call my mom and text my sister and am lazy. I still have a lot of things that I wish I could change about myself and a lot of things that I could change but avoid them like the plague. I still prefer complaining to changing and being complacent for being courageous. But, there are things that are changing, and they can’t go unnoticed.

I’m spending time with dear friends that I lost contact with for a while, and time with them is always one of the highlights of my week. I’m going to twice weekly Zumba classes, which suck and are wonderful at the same time. I’m daring to ask questions in new situations and going with my gut on things – which I’ve never been good at doing. A few weeks ago, I spent hours at a professors house with friends – which would have been the most terrifying thing in the world to me at this time last year. I’m learning to believe in myself and my abilities as I plan my second summer of Camp Zion and look into the future of full time ministry. I’m dreaming and growing and daring to plan for the future – a future which is actually here.

I’m realizing that, in the midst of all of these life changes and lifestyle changes, something that I’ve never had before:

I’m proud of myself.

I’m not saying that I’ve never had moments of pride before. What I’m saying is this: I’ve never been one to be overly confident. I put on a good front, but on the inside I am anxious and questioning and doubting. I’m not always confident in myself and I’m not one to believe in the things that I can do. I’ve never actually understood why people trust me so quickly with so many things – because often times, I don’t trust myself. But right now, with things being planned and new pieces of the puzzle being brought together, I am legitimately proud of myself. I know that I’m where I am supposed to be, and that I can do it!

I’ve found my passion and my call, and after taking a chance to chase after it, I’ve found a career in it. I’m spending time with people that make me happy and not spending time with the people who don’t make me happy, and realizing that even my extroverted heart needs silent time to pray and think. And even though I’m still tired and cranky sometimes…I’m taking a lot more steps in the right direction than in the wrong one.

So, here’s to the changes that the last 48 days have brought, even with the busy schedule that kept me from writing here. And here’s to the next 48 days (and beyond), one that will bring more changes and chaos and call to my life.

Hopefully you’ll be seeing a lot more of me around here, friends!

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Author:

Children's Pastor. Wife. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Enneagram 6. Sports Lover. Writer. Book Enthusiast/Nerd. Living at the intersection of it all with anxiety, ADHD, GAD, and a healthy dose of grace.

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